Before I Am Moving Out Series

Before I am moving out: Chapter 9

Pouring my heart out

Hello everyone,

Welcome back to my blog. I know that I haven’t been active on my blog lately. I’m sorry about that. Something is weighing on my chest and I really needed to pour it out. So I thought “why not do it on my blog”.

Last year, I started this series, where I made a list of the things I wanted to do before moving out. One of the important things that I really wanted to do was get my driver’s license. As you can guess, I still don’t have it.

In September 2021 I started over. I made the decision to do this once and for all. I have failed my driving test twice already since I started this journey. And I am so sick and tired of it. I’m so done. I just want to have my license already. 

My third test will be soon and I am so not looking forward to it. I don’t enjoy taking those tests. Lately, my parking skills haven’t been great, which is only making me feel worse about my test.

This whole situation is of course having an impact on my financial situation. I’m running out of the money that I saved for my driving lessons. Now I have to take money from other savings. And I feel like I have to put my other plans on hold. But I don’t want to put other things on hold I want to keep moving on. If I see a nice apartment I just want to go and get it.

Everything was going great so far, why is this happening like this?

I don’t understand why I can’t get my license. I’m starting to feel like it’s not meant for me or something. I can’t even imagine myself driving my own car. Imagine how happy I will be when I finally pass the test. I want to pass the test so bad. I deserve to pass the test. I worked so hard. I went to all my lessons. I even did some research on my own. I’m a good driver. I’m a save driver. I don’t understand why everyone else can pass the test and I can’t.

I just want to move on to other things. I want my free evenings after work back. After putting all this effort and hard work into this, it just sucks to fail. Hard work is supposed to pay off right?

I’m also not that excited to take my driving lessons anymore. I’m done practicing all those routes and driving through those small streets. I just want to be driving to the destinations I want to go to. I want to be able to rent a car when I am on vacation. The next time I sit in a car after my third test better be when I got my own car. Or when I am taking lessons to refresh my skills.

I don’t like talking about my driving lessons anymore, because I don’t want people to know that I still don’t have my license. I don’t want people to wonder why it is taking me so long. I don’t want to feel like a failure. I have never felt like a failure in my life. But if I fail one more test I am afraid I will. It is really going to affect me mentally.

I have tried manifesting it the other two times I had my test. But for some reason manifesting doesn’t work for me that way. I don’t know what I did wrong. Everything I tried to manifest I didn’t get.

Anyway, whatever happens. I will have to keep going on. I came way too far to quit. I spent way too much money to quit. Quitting is not an option. I will continue until I finally get my license. Even if it means that I still can’t move out. I deserve to have my license just like anyone else.

I just want to have a license for my family. The only person who ever had a license was my father. But he can’t drive anymore since he’s sick. So I have to be the next one. I want to give my family a ride when they need one. I don’t want us to depend on other people for that anymore.

Well, I think I have written enough. If you read until the end. Thank you so much. I don’t even know if I made sense.

That’s it for today. Thank you for your precious time and until next time!

Love,

Color and Coins

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